I was in a chatroom the other day when this question came up from a finsub-curious type? Is findom illegal? Sad to say I did more than giggle at the absurdity of the question but then after I logged off I started to think to myself… Is findom illegal? Or what do people actually think of the ‘fetish’ that I now consider to be so normal?
Well, I guess we have to start with a definition don’t we?
What is findom? Well, according to the Urban Dictionary it is
A combination of 2 words: financial domination. Financial domination is a very real fetish involving a submissive being “forced” to give money to the Dominant. Terms like money slave, paypig, moneypig, walletslave, wallet rape are all part of the play involved in this type of Domination and submission.
Some men are very turned on by and seek out findom Mistresses and are aroused by the act of submitting so completely to a Dominant Female.
Well, both definitions feed from each other, and of course as a growing terminology in both our minds and (in my case at least) our wallets it is something that has yet to take any sort of true form.
What both definitions do point to is a suggestion that humiliation as well as an element of force is present within this fetish. I mean, after all why oh why would any sane human being hand over control of their wallet and finances to another.
I guess it is in this aspect of perceived ‘force’ that someone might consider it to be a dangerous or indeed possibly illegal fetish.
The sad thing I think is that the internet makes everything so easy to dip into. Sad is used very specifically here, because the internet is pretty much the drip that feeds into it. Without the internet fun games – such as Teamviewer play, webcam sessions, as well as humiliation games played on the multitude of social media platforms – would not be remotely possible. But as with anything there is always a likelihood someone’s going to get clever and decide to go a step further than is fun.
It can happen with anything. Take dating sites for example. We all know that many dating sites have fake or bot accounts designed specifically to lure unsuspecting users into diving headfirst into the virtual experience. Why would findom not be the same? There’s nothing quite like catching a guy with his pants down and his willy exposed. That’s what findom does… it hits you right where it hurts. In the sweetest way! That rush of fear, will she or won’t she? That handing over of not just the money, but in many cases sensitive details about who you are, where you live, so much information is just handed over on a golden platter to the Goddess to do with as she pleases… and you are purely at the mercy of the Goddess’s whims then.
Some women simply enjoy knowing they wield this power over men – a mutual trust shall we say – and knowing that he will continue to tribute and she will twiddle his life in her hands until such a time as his tributes bore her or she simply wants more and plucks a string. Cue the sweet melody of even more tributes into her bank account, Paypal, wishlist purchase, whatever she chooses…
Some women unfortunately are precision like and ruthless. For them old-school methods which centre around relationship building, flirtation, and the occasional big wallet-rape hold no allure.
Many of these women/princesses/bratty Goddesses want to push even further beyond the limits of what is possible. They want everything a guy has and then some! They don’t care if this guy’s wallet matches his promises. They will lure him in, get him to divulge information about himself and then blackmail him into releasing the goodies. Yeah yeah yeah, I know some of you guys are probably sitting there thinking that’s frikkin’ hot and where can you find these femmes? But I can guarantee you ish will get very real very quickly once she demands you take out a loan to pay her. Or she decides your savings for the kids would be better spent on her next shoe shopping spree. Do you fancy being divorced and out on your arse because you wanted to get your rocks off for half a second? Was Goddess worth it when your small business closes and you’re left out in the cold? Ignored. After all you are just a wallet…
Case in point. I was on a forum a couple of months ago when a techdomme was bragging about an epic rinse that she performed on a guy. Quite tech savvy, she created a backdoor entrance into her client’s computer and cloned his system. She now had access to all his details and his passwords etc. This was done via a Teamviewer session. She then treated herself to a shopping spree using his saved credit card and once that was maxed out she froze him out of his own computer. She then emailed him with a list of all his contacts that she had extracted from his computer. These of course included his work colleagues as well as family and friends. She told him that she now had access to his personal computer – which she did – and she would only release it to him if he paid her a *ridonculous* ‘tribute’. I can’t remember off the top of my head but I think it was $30,000. Something in the region of… Much begging and pleading, but eventually he did find the money and paid her the tribute. Via a cam site so the commission was just stupid for handling it. But what does she care right? Any money made was a bonus for her. She then decided that if he could cough up $30k he could cough up more. At the time she made the post she had threatened to send his internet browsing history as well as some not so tasteful nudes of him to all his contacts unless he coughed up a ransom.
But then again, that guy had done what so many of my clients have no doubt done on some level. You know what I mean, you go off on your dude search of the internet. You find a hot looking chick on a random site who is telling you all the things you need to hear. Maybe you talk to her via cam, maybe she demands you pay to play. Without thinking with your big boy brain your wallet starts to squirt! And sometimes you’re lucky. Sometimes – still not so bad – you find yourself getting off while talking to a real dude hiding behind pics he farmed off the many IG profiles of oblivious real girls. And in cases like the above… you end up with a bank account that’s even more shrivelled than your little friend. Fear factor.
So… is findom illegal?
And …. Yes.
Rush in eyes wide shut and you will most likely repent at leisure. Findom is definitely edge play stuff. Edge play by its definition means that it lives on the periphery of Safe, Sane and Consensual BDSM (yes there are rules and etiquettes, you should try buying a book sometime. Check out some of my favourites below….)
Because it is an edge play activity that deals with a lot of total power exchange ideas and ideals, it can be of course open to individual interpretation and abuse. Most established Dommes (myself included) realise and value that subs/slaves/kinksters have desires to lose all control with no comeback, but reality has a nasty habit of rearing its head every so often. To me personally a good finsub is one who earns and earns over and over again so I can continue to enjoy the life I enjoy. A whiney/depressed/suicidal slave is not what I’m looking for. I want to make you a better you so you can tribute me more. Simple.
So don’t cry wolf when you have slathered yourself in wolf pheromones then wandered into the lair of the she-beast. If you fail to do your homework or take into account that all that spin their webs virtually are not who they claim to be, then you will no doubt attract the users and abusers. All I can say there is… good luck with that.
Click on the book title to be directed to where you can buy it:
Henkin, B (1997): Consensual Sadomasochism: How to talk about it and how to do it safely. Daedulus Publlishing Company
Belladonna, G/ Sunderland, R (2012): Financial Domination without the Smoke and Mirrors: The Extended 2nd Edition. Lulu.com
von Sacher Masoch, L: Venus in Furs.
Anon (1985): Eroticon: Exotic Writings from Forbidden Texts. Cox and Wyman Ltd.